To My Daughter Who Had The Abortion: A Love Letter From Your Dad

Come closer, Darling. Can I tell you something?

I see you. And I know your secret.

I know the pain you’ve tried to keep hidden. I see beneath that mask you wear.

Those around you are oblivious – you’ve locked it up tightly.

But I know the date that plagues you each year, and I’ve heard every question your heart has asked…

Was it a son? A daughter?

What would he look like now? What would I have named her?

I hear you asking, wondering…

And I remember.

I was with you that day.

You didn’t know it, but I was right beside you as you were lying on that table.

I felt your world closing in on you. I saw your mind racing, wishing for any other option but this.

I had been speaking to you all along, telling you a better way… but you couldn’t hear me. Fear was screaming too loudly.

The doctor walked in, and he was cold. You were terrified.

That loud machine was turned on.

My heart broke more than yours did, and I wiped your tears with my hands.

Then… it was over.

And it wasn’t the answer you had hoped for.

In only an hour, your entire world had changed. The silence – the sound of life snuffed out – was excruciating. I wept with you.

Your body felt the aftermath, but it was in your heart that the pain was explosive. I held you in my arms and sang over you through your tears.

“Real life” returned, and somehow you managed to tuck this part of you away, to face life as if nothing had happened.

As time passed, you learned to hide it well. Sometimes you even believed it was tucked away for good.

But it never would vanish completely. Ever so often, something would come close to you, reminding you of your secret.

It’s been a long time since that horrible day, but even hearing that word can still put your stomach in knots. Anytime “that” conversation takes place, your scarlet letter feels exposed. You freeze inside, knowing you can’t fake your way through…desperately hoping the subject will change. Finally, the moment passes. You breathe a sigh of relief – your secret is still intact.

So on you carry it.

Photo by Lauren McKinnon

Photo by Lauren McKinnon

Daughter, lean in close.

You don’t have to carry the secret anymore.

It’s time you stopped hiding. Let me look in your eyes.

Listen: I was there. I remember it better than you do. I saw every tear, every moment of despair that led you to that table. And I wept with you over life and destiny lost.

You thought that day made me distant, but that was your accuser talking. There’s never been a moment when I’ve left you.

And you know what? I forgave you the very first time you asked me.

You are forgiven.

Now… will you forgive yourself? You’ll never fully know me as Father until you do.

I’ve come to lift your shame-

to put my robe of righteousness on you.

No mistake could ever change who you are to me.

I paid for that horrible day – that secret – on Calvary. I reclaimed every single thing your enemy tried to steal from you.

Will you hand me this weight you’ve been carrying?

Will you trust me with your child?

Will you believe that my redeeming power is stronger than your mistake?

Will you trust that I’m making all things new?

I love you, Daughter, with an everlasting love.

Friend, if you are carrying this secret and would like to voice it to someone who has been there, you can contact me here.  I will gladly connect you with one of several dear women in the Spartanburg-Greenville area who can offer a listening ear and words of encouragement. For those who are not in the Upstate SC area, feel free to reach out for resource recommendations.


Friends, believe it or not, YOU know several women personally who have had past abortions and may still be carrying shame [as well as men].  Many who carry this secret are the ones you would least expect.   In hopes that as many as possible encounter the Father’s love, I encourage you to share this post.  It’s time for shame to be undone!

2 Comments on “To My Daughter Who Had The Abortion: A Love Letter From Your Dad”

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